woman in bed

Was this her last? Its easy to remember, easy to forget whose feet we are washing.

As the washcloth rubbed over her edematous soles, the cloth took with it a dingy orange residue, the texture and look of iodine.

She moaned as we turned her. All four, five of us to pull, push her from side to side. We cleansed her, not knowing who we cleansed. We bathed her, not knowing who we bathed.

God forgive me that i didn't have you more in mind.

Thank you God for even in this moment, is your will for me.

Forgive me that i didn't give more of that moment to you.

One eye averted from my business, I kept watch of the lab results, test results printing every so often...more bold, more red numbers...more negatives more parentheses.

Hours hour on; pacing by her room, I watch her monitors settle into their noise now crowded with neighboring noises as if the room is actually quiet.

But now God I have you in my mind.

Now God I'm reminded of why.

I give thanks even in these times. These troubles I give it to you, for I know not why but I know You. ~

pray.

my heart is in deep prayer. we continue to walk with our hands in the air... God we give this to You. we give this to You. we give it all up to You.

[oil burn]

speak speechless like you mean it.
say the words in the movements of the sound.
move in and out of the sound you make;
make me speechless with the breath you take.
living in and living out of the love we make;
each word carried in the act of.... taken by reenacting the words we spoke;
we hope, we love, we laugh... let in the faith that keeps this path.
say speechless acts of words; a rhythm of facts to learn -
i touch you and my heart burns. ~