[farewell]

this is about meeting my father, and then saying goodbye...its called [farewell]:


theres the why,
and then theres beneath it -
the pit, a stone
to wrought in my inside,
as i conjure up goodbye.
and to watch you turn your eye;
a sullen whale over a wave -
dismiss the love in the way
i tried to wave goodbye.

theres the how,
and then theres beyond it -
the question, a mark...
really not understood, but i vowed
to save myself, i’m saved til now
and then when i cry like now;
your child lost while you’re away,
looks for you at night and day,
presses hands hard as she prays.

theres the when,
and then theres behind it -
the dream, a door
closed to the yesterday
i knew, but you were hurt;
couldn’t help for well its worth,
farewell.~

[wax on water]

funny how the smudge on the lens
lent itself to the truth -
the blends of bold hues,
the bends of hard lines;
oiling together until clearly
clarity floats on reality,
like clouds off the coast (a birds eye view).
i fly over a moment captured, gone,
given and taken in the same breath;
the same life and the same death.~

on the exhale~

and as i took a breath i watched the mess wean/ much of this chaos has stormed from stale air/formed from resistance/the force of pain/an inevitable wind/within/
peace/and quiet now/on the exhale~

suffix

the clouds are trying. they will the season. the landscape breathes out a quiet surrender, ready or not. am i ready? i turn my glance against the wind, water fills the lens, stings as i contemplate my progress. the things i thought were important to me are only important to other people whose thoughts were important to me once.

i turn back down the mountain and across the saddle of two, affixing my desires on a very personal agenda. i reflect on myself through a pond of honesty, below the crisp and subtle fog. this is real. i'm tired of trying to meet life where other people say it should be. what if this is where i'm at? this is where i'm at. life will just have to meet me here. if i know all that i know, my whole heart and soul understands the only way to reach pure happiness is to define happiness for oneself; a reasoning unencumbered by others' variations of its meaning (even ones' own). one must consciously afford the will to make someone else happy or to truly make the self happy. and if life is really as short as i know that it is, then may i sigh relief and understanding; for all these things i'm after,...all these efforts towards something i'm scurrying to do… this idea of completion, happiness, success... have a way of keeping me from the ultimate joy. what i actually end up "being," has little substance if through the process i was never actually being.

the weather approaching hurries us: prepare, prepare, prepare. and no matter how much we prepare, it often feels as though we are never ready enough. when is just being, just enough? how much faith do i have in the now, that what i have right now is enough? if i weren't ready, it wouldn't happen. if it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn’t be. ready or not, i'm ready.~